


i got you

by selfcontrol



Category: B.A.P
Genre: Friendship, M/M, One-Sided Attraction
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-19
Updated: 2016-06-19
Packaged: 2018-07-15 23:41:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,971
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7243537
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/selfcontrol/pseuds/selfcontrol
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"It killed him, to be honest"</p>
            </blockquote>





	i got you

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this back when I was around 16/17. Please forgive my writing back then, haha.

He didn’t know what to do, there was a gut feeling in his stomach that he shouldn’t be doing this but his mind was telling him differently. The right thing to do was to walk away from the situation, however the also right thing to do was to stay beside him but at the same time, if he really thought about it deeply, it was the wrong thing to do as well. 

But what would you do? If your precious usually-smiley friend was sitting outside on the porch, choosing to suffer the consequences by attempting to withstand the wet pistols falling from the sky? Whilst openly deciding the fate of his eyes tomorrow, crying so hard to guarantee puffiness and redness? Would you sit down beside him, take him in and reassure things would be okay, even if you have no idea what the future holds? 

Youngjae was at a mental cross-roads as soon as he heard Jongup excuse himself in the dorm, watching him disappear out of the door, telling Yongguk that he wouldn’t be going out too far in the process. Nobody knew what was going on with him; maybe it had something to do with the sudden departure of the youngest member of their group, or if it had something to do with the sudden depression that washed over Himchan over a spark of an old comment he made about weight. Although one thing was certain, Youngjae wasn’t going to let Jongup feel this way. Not now, not ever.

“Where you going, Youngjae?” Daehyun added as he watched Youngjae grab an umbrella from their shared bedroom. Daehyun laid comfortably on his bed, appreciating the amount of warm blankets that was on his bed that rainy day. “Youngjae?” he asked again as he heard the door click in close, opening his eyes to find himself in the bedroom alone with no idea where his best friend was going. 

Already slipping out of the dorm without the other members knowledge, he was already walking down the stairs when he took a quick glance out of the window and spotted the blonde hair at the front of their apartment building. As Youngjae was near the door already, he slowly opened it and slid out trying his best not to frighten the boy fighting with the rain. Ignoring how the steps were already stained with wetness, Youngjae sat down beside Jongup who donned an unfamiliar expression. It was heartbreaking. It killed him to be honest.

The way the rain dripped onto his face, making his tears disappear, how the cold breezes that flew by ever so often would brush over his face and leave it with a worrying pale white, the wind and the humidity of the weather at the moment also seemed to have wrapped around Jongup’s neck, like a scarf except providing him with a dry throat and newly forming chapped lips. It wasn’t until long that Jongup finally attempted to break the silence as he muttered out a simple word that made Youngjae’s insides weak and his capability to hold back his tears to failure. 

“Hyung...” albeit it being a simple and everyday used word, the tone of his voice was shaky, and had so much fragility in it that if that word was to be displayed physically, it would be like a thin piece of glass on the tip of a table, about to break any second. “... I’m tired”. All Youngjae could do was to hug him, to tell him to come back inside the dorm because he will be warm and safe inside but he couldn’t bring himself to do it physically. Instead he placed the umbrella over their heads together and wrapped an arm around Jongup’s shoulder.

“... Yongguk hyung said that things wouldn’t be this hard, that we will be able to endure it altogether. But how can we do that, if we are all falling apart?” Jongup admitted, voice quivering with chills. 

Youngjae saw the younger boy beside him start to shake and decided to give him his bright orange beanie that he was wearing previously. He moved his hand hesitantly to hold Jongup’s hand and was taken aback when he felt his fingers so stiff and frozen. “We won’t fall apart, don’t worry...”

“But we will. Eventually...” sniffled Jongup sadly.

“We won’t! I will make sure we won’t. We have to be strong, maybe we can’t do it for ourselves, but we have to do it for the fans...” Youngjae protested, making an effort to shift Jongup’s negative thoughts out of his mind.

“Our fans... they’re great. They give us support, they praise us constantly and defend us. Little do they know they place expectation on us, to me, especially. They can’t stay dedicated forever though... look at Himchan...” Jongup stated clearly, lighting a thought into Youngjae’s mind. Maybe it was true, that they were getting so much strength from the fans that they started to drift away some how, like how just one little comment Himchan said a while ago about his sisters weight could result in such hate, hate delivered from ‘so-called’ fans that pushed him lower into seclusion from everyone where he would just undergo complete contemplation and re-evaluation of his identity to suit the expectations of fans - strangers even. 

“Then I will give you support.” Youngjae declared, standing up from his spot on the step, feeling the cold air rush past his behind chilling him a bit. “I will make sure you don’t give up. That we won’t give up.” Youngjae was about to break into sudden tears at the thought of the end of everything that they worked so hard for. 

Jongup sighed and buried his face into his hands, hearing the little pitting and pattering of rain drops fall onto the umbrella that Youngjae was still clasping onto. “Jongup. I know you’re still younger than me, but please understand that you are younger than me by just a year.” Jongup looked up at Youngjae and noticed the seriousness in his words. 

“Hyung...” Jongup repeated. This time with a more lighter tone, a tone of a sudden realisation or a sudden shock being emitted from it. “I-I... I..” 

“It’s okay. You don’t need to say anything. Just, let’s... let’s go up there, and prove to Yongguk and Daehyun that things will be okay. That Junhong will return happily and that Himchan would return to his normal and cheerful self. We can only hope... right?” 

Jongup nodded in affirmation but he didn’t move from his spot. Alternatively he pulled on Youngjae’s wrist and pulled him down to sit beside him again. Youngjae sat beside him a little bit bewildered at the sudden change of atmosphere of Jongup’s actions as he saw a small little chuckle escape from his lips. “Honestly, I hold in alot. Like, when I’m upset, I really don’t like to tell anyone...” Jongup paused for a while, noticing Youngjae nod a little in agreement at that since he had no idea of why Jongup came outside in the first place. “And no matter how much anyone asks, the answer will always be, “I’m fine.” Even though I know myself, that it’s not even true...” 

“And... and... just because I don’t react, doesn’t mean I don’t have feelings.” Jongup quavered softly. 

Youngjae just sat there, completely engulfed in the slight confessions that Jongup had suddenly made known to him. Jongup was unhappy, he was alone and he wasn’t fine. “You know, you might think this is ridiculous...” 

“I promise, I won’t..” Youngjae assured and Jongup gave out another cute warm chuckle. 

“Sometimes, I prefer to do things alone, because whenever I’m with someone else... I feel compelled to make that person happy. I end up feeling like a supporting character in the story of someone else’s life.” At this comment, Youngjae couldn’t help but feel so much connection to it. He too also felt that way, that he was always going to be Daehyun’s supporting vocalist, that he would always just be the lead vocalist who got replaced by a boy who didn’t even train as long as he did. But with this, Youngjae also came to a conclusion about what Jongup really meant when he spoke about the fans and what-not. It was really amazing to Youngjae, at how much emotion such a boy could have in him. 

Jongup then paused and smiled, feeling a little bit of sunshine peak out of the grey clouds above. Youngjae just sat there though, staring so attentively at Jongup, his precious usually-smiley friend who had the familiar smile plastered on his face with all of his natural colours showing. “Hyung...” he said for the third time that evening. 

“Mhmm?” 

“I like you.” Jongup implied heavily. “Alot.” 

“W-what?” Youngjae commented puzzled at what just unfolded before him. 

“I know that Junhong and Himchan gave me so much attention... when they were still around, but they were either too old for me to open up too or they were too young to understand me. But to me, you are just right. Just right for me...” Jongup reckoned, giving Youngjae the idea that Jongup was just implying he liked him as a friend.

Although the sweet moment for Jongup ended too quickly when he heard another voice chirp into their conversation. “Youngjae, baby, let’s go... I’ve been worried so much about you...” Daehyun whined, pulling Youngjae up from his shoulders to get inside the building before rain could suddenly appear again. As Youngjae was getting pulled up and getting yanked inside, he couldn’t help but break his concentration on Jongup, who although smiled innocently had millions of thoughts running in his mind. 

And to Youngjae watching Jongup sit by himself on the stairs by himself looking back at him with so much charm and strength stirred something up in his stomach. Like you know that moment when you are watching a movie; and there is a light that illuminates onto their face and it brightens their smile even more and you can’t help but feel as if you just want to pause time at that exact moment, even if it feels like everything is going in slow motion because all you have is that sudden urge and want, to just run up to them and hug them so tightly and never let them go. 

“Hyung...” Jongup called out much more happily this time. “Bye! I’ll see you later~” and all Youngjae could do was just smile back and wave quickly just before Daehyun pulled him into the elevator. And just like that, Jongup instantly became the outsider, watching and admiring how much care and love Daehyun had for Youngjae, made him feel envious, uneasy even, his heart turning sensitive and weak. 

But all he could do now was smile and just sit on the porch happily, smiling as he felt the warmth of the sun rays kissing his face bringing with them, rosy cheeks and a bright disposition. He then remembered that he was still wearing Youngjae’s infamous orange beanie and as he took it off he ruffled his own hair and held the knitted beanie tightly in his grasp. “I got you, right hyung?” he asked himself with a silly smile on his face, not even expecting at reply at all.

However, things are never what they seem. “There’s no need to ask...” Jongup stood up and turned around and was completely astonished at what was happening and who he saw.

“Hyung...” croaked Jongup, tears about to pour down his face again as he felt Youngjae wrap his arms around his body, giving him a hug that was so comforting, so reassuring and filled with so much security that filled Jongup with everything he was missing; hope, appreciation, faith, trust, love. 

Youngjae breathed deeply, hugging Jongup tighter. “It’s okay... I got you.”


End file.
